So I'm melancholic

I'm afraid I don't contribute to the world's population of happy, bubbly, sanguine people. But then again, if there were too many sanguines in the world, I think we'd drive each other insane. So I'm melancholic, and a little phlegmatic too, all the characteristics that add up to that of an introvert. What's wrong with that? As long as I keep my feelings to myself, I don't think I'm hurting anybody, at the most, only myself.

Melancholic:
Blue, depressed, downhearted, dispirited, spiritless, wistful, sad etc

Phlegmatic
Impassive, indifferent, lethargic, unconcerned, incurios etc

There's really no use in telling a melancholic person to stop being so pessimistic and down all the time, it's like telling a sanguine to turn down his/her level of 'bubbliness'. It would mean a total change of character and that is not something that can be easily done since your character is what makes you, well...you. Being melancholic does not mean that we mope around all day dressed in black, we ARE capable of being happy and cheerful and lead normal lives like everyone else. It's just that we are less expressive and this causes people to think that we are generally disinterested, sometimes we even pass off as being 'cold'.

In the movie, Pride and Prejudice (I know I know, I just really love this story), there was a part where Darcy tells Elizabeth that he does not have the talent to converse easily with others outside his own party, I can completely relate to what he means. It comes so easily for some but for others like myself, it takes so much effort that sometimes I wonder if it's worth it. Some are just gifted with the talent to socialize easily with others, but one has to remember that not all of us are so fortunately gifted in that way. It's somehow hard for those who are blessed with such easy manners to understand those who are not. "Why are you so quiet?" "Break out of your shell, em!" "Don't be so shy laa.." These are just a few of the many things that my friends have told me. My dear friends who have offered such kind advice, I am trying, but if it were as easy as simply saying it, I would have broken out of 'my shell' many years ago.

However, there is a certain mindset I feel people really have to get out of. It is the mindset of thinking that soft-spoken people have no stand and would not leave a very significant mark in life. How wrong you are and I certainly can't express enough the desire of wanting to prove these people wrong! But that I shan't, for it will only bring about an arrogance I shan't want to feed. Many a time have I heard remarks from people saying, "You were in debates?? But you're so quiet!" "You taking law ar?? So quiet can become lawyer wan ar?" Don't judge a book by it's cover. I'm soft-spoken..not retarded, I can very well speak up for myself where I feel I am right. In fact, it is the soft-spoken people that you should be looking out for, because you do not know what they are truly capable of.

There are of course good sides to melancholy-phlegmatic people, though I'm not saying that everything else is a bad side. We're good listeners, are loyal friends and don't offend people very much because of our calmness and slow-temperament in nature. Thus, though we may not have a large number of friends, what we do have are a select few who are extremely close friends (you know who you are=) )

All in all, there are many characteristics that make up a person. We should be respectful of each one instead of just expecting them to be like yourself. There are melancholics, phlegmatics, cholerics and sanguines..and each are special in God's eyes. So everytime you feel like and odd-ball, everytime you feel left out, don't look to people, but rather, look up..to the One who created you, for He loves you like no one else ever can.

Random thought of the day:
(It's not that random today) It does not matter how much you talk, what matters is what you talk about.

With pride, comes prejudice

I have been so addicted to austen's pride and prejudice that it just really got me thinking about the pride and prejudice in today's society. Austen depicted the harshness of reality in those times with much zeal as she herself was a victim to the unrelenting snare of pride and prejudice from the upper class citizens. Austen often wrote about the want of wealth and rank as the main cause of being looked down upon, but in today's world, there are so many other reasons. Wealth, rank, academic achievements, looks, abilities..just to name a few.

Then I started to think that prejudice can only come about when there is pride. You can't be prejudiced against someone without first feeling that that someone is inferior to you in some way. That is pride. Hence, with pride comes prejudice.

Nonetheless, I love the way the story takes its turn, how the proud always end up humbled. Austen wrote it in such a way that the pride and prejudice came from both sides, from the rich towards the poor and vice versa. The first time I read the book, I only saw how those with rank and wealth patronized those in want of rank and wealth. After the 2nd or 3rd time through, I realised that those without rank or wealth also have a fixed mindset that those who are well to do are proud, this is also a form of prejudice. In the end, the pride on both sides was humbled, there has to be a certain amount of give and take of course.

I don't believe there is a person in this world who is truly humble. Being proud of the fact that you are a humble person is rather hypocritical. The feeling of pride sometimes cannot be helped, what can be helped is the flaunting.

This is my favourite book of all time. =)

Random thought of the day
A good gift to get for an insensitive room mate : Earphones

Friends whom I love and cherish

Friends come and friends go, everybody knows that. Look forward to the ones who come, and miss those who go, but never forget them. I miss those times we spent under the tree during recess, laughing at jokes only we could understand. I miss those free periods we used to have and spent them talking about things I could never talk about now with my present company. I felt so at home and at ease with you all, we made quite a unique group. Now we've all gone our separate ways. Now I truly miss those times we had, of laughter, tears, fear and excitement..nothing is the same now. My heart feels burdened and saddened sometimes, when you try to be yourself but realise that if you're too much yourself, you would never fit in. What do you do then? Find a group to fit in or alter yourself to fit in? That is why I miss you all so much, you who allowed me to be myself and be loved and accepted for it.

Why is it so hard to find someone to hold those sort of conversations with now? How could you get close to people who would never understand the true you? My dear Il Divas, how I miss you all! Do know how much I treasure our friendship and how much I miss those times.

But then there are those, who compromise friendship for other things in life, things which have become evidently more important. "I'm sorry I'm busy now", it's either that or no reply at all.

However, there are also those who have been there for me through thick and thin, no matter how busy or how far away they are. Sue, who is always there to cheer me up and listen to my rantings even past midnight. Ming, who always made me feel special when others made me feel like I was part of the wall. Sher, always giving me a reason to =). And kev, always just a message away and availing yourself to listen where some others would have turned me down with an "I'm busy now". I love you all and I truly thank you for everything from the bottom of my heart. You have showed me the true meaning of friendship just when I thought it could not exist. Just when so many have let me down, you were there to prove me wrong and to help me through those times of disappointment.

As Elizabeth Bennet said, "Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure". -Pride and Prejudice-

There's got to be more to life than this

I'm sure everyone goes through the dillema of wondering if the road chosen would lead to a happy ending. I'm no exemption of course, constantly wondering if what I've been doing is what I really want or am I doing it merely to please other people's expectations of myself. It's hard to tell at this time where my heart truly lies, and even if i do have an undying passion for something, what are the chances that it could be turned into reality? Even with all the talk about dreams coming through, I'm beginning to think that it only happens on Disney.

Then I start thinking to myself, why did I, after 13 years of suffering in school, still choose a course that requires so much hard working and painstaking effort? If I genuinely had a passion for it, I guess my choice would be reasonable. I suppose I can say that I'm enjoying what I'm studying, considering I prayed so hard for a place in that faculty. But the question now is, is there something else that I would rather be doing? The answer is without a doubt, yes. Now the other question is, what are the chances of me getting to do it? Hmm..now that's a little more difficult to answer.

20 years from now, I wouldn't want to turn back and regret that I didn't have the courage to pursue my dreams, yet, that's what they are..dreams and probably, but sadly, no more than that. There are so many unanswered questions even within myself..why not take the chance and follow my heart's desire? Since I know I could be good at it, why not? Why work so hard for something which will eventually lead me into an even harder life? How far will my parents disappointment be? God help me.