Goodbye, strange year..

It isn't the best of years, nor is it the worst. But somehow, I feel burdened to leave this year behind, eventhough nothing about it significantly holds my memory..my heart feels heavy thinking about the '09 turning into '10. What feels even worse though, is not being able to share the last day of this year with my family. I'm here, in a sorry excuse of a room, in the slums of a hostel, 300km away from home.

How come everyone else is so ecstatic about the new year? I'll bet they have something to look forward to.

Ending on a lighter note, happy new year readers!

Random thought of the day:
The number you have dialed is unavailable, please try again later.

Aahhh

Walks into room

Sees bed

*blop*

All I want for Christmas

Where do I even begin with the list of wants..note that I said 'wants' and not 'needs', we all like to dream once in awhile, and we always want what we can't have..sigh.

If I were being realistic, I'd wish for

1. A golden retriever
2. A takamine
3. A new wilson racket
4. Killer heels from Charles & Keith
5. A trip to Phuket, or somewhere with a nice beach (Penang doesn't count)

If, however, I were being unrealistic..

1. A dolphin
2. A grand piano
3. Federer's racket =)
4. A pair of Jimmy Choo's
5. A trip to New Zealand (to see the Lord of the Rings filming range!)
6. A boyfriend? LOL

UNFORTUNATELY, this world calls for me to be completely and utterly realistic, so I'd probably get

1. Chocolates
2. Decorative items
3. More chocolates

The pang of reality..

Random thought of the day:
Those chocolates better be good

And it's...OVER! =)

Bye bye Legal Method...hello Christmas!

"It's the most wonderful time of the year.." I can't remember anymore to this song but the main message is there. Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year to me, not just because of its religious significance (of course, that's the biggest part of it) but for the time we get to spend with family and long lost friends.

It's the time of the year where all your old friends come back from wherever they've gone to. And at the meet up, everyone's talking at the same time, not really bothering to hear what the others are saying, but in the end we find that we actually heard everybody else's story (whether intentionally or unintentionally)..ahh, nostalgia!

And then comes the family reunion, mum and dad, grandma and grandpa, kor..a good meal and some wine (very, very, very little for me)..perfect. On second thoughts, I could do without the wine.

It's a month away and the preparations for dances, dramas and parties are already starting. Sometimes, the preparations are more fun that the event itself, though they can be tedious..it's all for God's glory so it's all good =)

In everything that you do, do it unto the Lord.

Random thought of the day:

If I could, I would have a pet dolphin..and name it fish.

It's coming, it's coming!

My Monday night laughs!

8.00pm-8.30pm       Everybody Loves Raymond

8.30pm-9.30pm       Little Britain

9.30pm-10.00pm    Whose Line is it Anyway?

10.00pm -11.00pm  Mind Your Language

11.00pm-12.00am   The Nanny

A monday night well spent.

Random thought of the day:
Ma, I feel emo.

Halloween

From left: Suzanne, George, Em, Melanie, Hyma, Avinash and Edwin.

From left: The doll, the rocker and the gypsy =)

From top left and clockwise: Avinash, Hyma, George, Edwin, Melanie, Suzanne and Em.

My very first halloween party! This must sound quite sad to those who've been trick or treating since they could walk! It wasn't much of a party..rather more like a gathering of people who dressed funny. Anyhow, it's who you go with that matters, that was the only thing that made it fun=)

Sue, kev and ming..here are the pictures for your benefit, since it's not accessible through my facebook. And in case any of you decides to ask again, my hair was tied like that because I was supposed to be a doll, but I didn't have enough resources to dress like one. So that's what happened..costume malfunction. Lol.

Random thought of the day:
Finally, pictures!

So I'm melancholic

I'm afraid I don't contribute to the world's population of happy, bubbly, sanguine people. But then again, if there were too many sanguines in the world, I think we'd drive each other insane. So I'm melancholic, and a little phlegmatic too, all the characteristics that add up to that of an introvert. What's wrong with that? As long as I keep my feelings to myself, I don't think I'm hurting anybody, at the most, only myself.

Melancholic:
Blue, depressed, downhearted, dispirited, spiritless, wistful, sad etc

Phlegmatic
Impassive, indifferent, lethargic, unconcerned, incurios etc

There's really no use in telling a melancholic person to stop being so pessimistic and down all the time, it's like telling a sanguine to turn down his/her level of 'bubbliness'. It would mean a total change of character and that is not something that can be easily done since your character is what makes you, well...you. Being melancholic does not mean that we mope around all day dressed in black, we ARE capable of being happy and cheerful and lead normal lives like everyone else. It's just that we are less expressive and this causes people to think that we are generally disinterested, sometimes we even pass off as being 'cold'.

In the movie, Pride and Prejudice (I know I know, I just really love this story), there was a part where Darcy tells Elizabeth that he does not have the talent to converse easily with others outside his own party, I can completely relate to what he means. It comes so easily for some but for others like myself, it takes so much effort that sometimes I wonder if it's worth it. Some are just gifted with the talent to socialize easily with others, but one has to remember that not all of us are so fortunately gifted in that way. It's somehow hard for those who are blessed with such easy manners to understand those who are not. "Why are you so quiet?" "Break out of your shell, em!" "Don't be so shy laa.." These are just a few of the many things that my friends have told me. My dear friends who have offered such kind advice, I am trying, but if it were as easy as simply saying it, I would have broken out of 'my shell' many years ago.

However, there is a certain mindset I feel people really have to get out of. It is the mindset of thinking that soft-spoken people have no stand and would not leave a very significant mark in life. How wrong you are and I certainly can't express enough the desire of wanting to prove these people wrong! But that I shan't, for it will only bring about an arrogance I shan't want to feed. Many a time have I heard remarks from people saying, "You were in debates?? But you're so quiet!" "You taking law ar?? So quiet can become lawyer wan ar?" Don't judge a book by it's cover. I'm soft-spoken..not retarded, I can very well speak up for myself where I feel I am right. In fact, it is the soft-spoken people that you should be looking out for, because you do not know what they are truly capable of.

There are of course good sides to melancholy-phlegmatic people, though I'm not saying that everything else is a bad side. We're good listeners, are loyal friends and don't offend people very much because of our calmness and slow-temperament in nature. Thus, though we may not have a large number of friends, what we do have are a select few who are extremely close friends (you know who you are=) )

All in all, there are many characteristics that make up a person. We should be respectful of each one instead of just expecting them to be like yourself. There are melancholics, phlegmatics, cholerics and sanguines..and each are special in God's eyes. So everytime you feel like and odd-ball, everytime you feel left out, don't look to people, but rather, look up..to the One who created you, for He loves you like no one else ever can.

Random thought of the day:
(It's not that random today) It does not matter how much you talk, what matters is what you talk about.

With pride, comes prejudice

I have been so addicted to austen's pride and prejudice that it just really got me thinking about the pride and prejudice in today's society. Austen depicted the harshness of reality in those times with much zeal as she herself was a victim to the unrelenting snare of pride and prejudice from the upper class citizens. Austen often wrote about the want of wealth and rank as the main cause of being looked down upon, but in today's world, there are so many other reasons. Wealth, rank, academic achievements, looks, abilities..just to name a few.

Then I started to think that prejudice can only come about when there is pride. You can't be prejudiced against someone without first feeling that that someone is inferior to you in some way. That is pride. Hence, with pride comes prejudice.

Nonetheless, I love the way the story takes its turn, how the proud always end up humbled. Austen wrote it in such a way that the pride and prejudice came from both sides, from the rich towards the poor and vice versa. The first time I read the book, I only saw how those with rank and wealth patronized those in want of rank and wealth. After the 2nd or 3rd time through, I realised that those without rank or wealth also have a fixed mindset that those who are well to do are proud, this is also a form of prejudice. In the end, the pride on both sides was humbled, there has to be a certain amount of give and take of course.

I don't believe there is a person in this world who is truly humble. Being proud of the fact that you are a humble person is rather hypocritical. The feeling of pride sometimes cannot be helped, what can be helped is the flaunting.

This is my favourite book of all time. =)

Random thought of the day
A good gift to get for an insensitive room mate : Earphones

Friends whom I love and cherish

Friends come and friends go, everybody knows that. Look forward to the ones who come, and miss those who go, but never forget them. I miss those times we spent under the tree during recess, laughing at jokes only we could understand. I miss those free periods we used to have and spent them talking about things I could never talk about now with my present company. I felt so at home and at ease with you all, we made quite a unique group. Now we've all gone our separate ways. Now I truly miss those times we had, of laughter, tears, fear and excitement..nothing is the same now. My heart feels burdened and saddened sometimes, when you try to be yourself but realise that if you're too much yourself, you would never fit in. What do you do then? Find a group to fit in or alter yourself to fit in? That is why I miss you all so much, you who allowed me to be myself and be loved and accepted for it.

Why is it so hard to find someone to hold those sort of conversations with now? How could you get close to people who would never understand the true you? My dear Il Divas, how I miss you all! Do know how much I treasure our friendship and how much I miss those times.

But then there are those, who compromise friendship for other things in life, things which have become evidently more important. "I'm sorry I'm busy now", it's either that or no reply at all.

However, there are also those who have been there for me through thick and thin, no matter how busy or how far away they are. Sue, who is always there to cheer me up and listen to my rantings even past midnight. Ming, who always made me feel special when others made me feel like I was part of the wall. Sher, always giving me a reason to =). And kev, always just a message away and availing yourself to listen where some others would have turned me down with an "I'm busy now". I love you all and I truly thank you for everything from the bottom of my heart. You have showed me the true meaning of friendship just when I thought it could not exist. Just when so many have let me down, you were there to prove me wrong and to help me through those times of disappointment.

As Elizabeth Bennet said, "Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure". -Pride and Prejudice-

There's got to be more to life than this

I'm sure everyone goes through the dillema of wondering if the road chosen would lead to a happy ending. I'm no exemption of course, constantly wondering if what I've been doing is what I really want or am I doing it merely to please other people's expectations of myself. It's hard to tell at this time where my heart truly lies, and even if i do have an undying passion for something, what are the chances that it could be turned into reality? Even with all the talk about dreams coming through, I'm beginning to think that it only happens on Disney.

Then I start thinking to myself, why did I, after 13 years of suffering in school, still choose a course that requires so much hard working and painstaking effort? If I genuinely had a passion for it, I guess my choice would be reasonable. I suppose I can say that I'm enjoying what I'm studying, considering I prayed so hard for a place in that faculty. But the question now is, is there something else that I would rather be doing? The answer is without a doubt, yes. Now the other question is, what are the chances of me getting to do it? Hmm..now that's a little more difficult to answer.

20 years from now, I wouldn't want to turn back and regret that I didn't have the courage to pursue my dreams, yet, that's what they are..dreams and probably, but sadly, no more than that. There are so many unanswered questions even within myself..why not take the chance and follow my heart's desire? Since I know I could be good at it, why not? Why work so hard for something which will eventually lead me into an even harder life? How far will my parents disappointment be? God help me.

I couldn't stop looking

It was a perfectly fine Tuesday morning and I got to wake up a little later than usual after a hectic week of assignments. Since it was late, I decided not to have my breakfast, which was a good choice as you will soon find out why. I walked to the usual waiting area where I waited for a bus to come. It took a little longer than usual to come this time. Getting bored, I started to stare blankly at everything around me. Bikes whizzing by, students walking briskly past me, birds flying around, and huge trucks moaning their way uphill.

These trucks were a norm to us by now as many of the residential colleges were undergoing renovation/repair (renovation just makes it sound like it's getting an upgrade). I continued to observe these trucks driving by, in particular, a baidge truck caught my attention. I watched as it drove up and into one of my neighbouring colleges. I then looked away to see if a bus was coming up, I saw that there was none and turned back to watch people passing by. As I turned my head, something small on the road caught my attention. It was flipping around in circles and it took me awhile to figure out what it was and what it was doing. I saw a furry little body with 4 legs, a tail and...a big splotch of red which I guessed must have been the head. Only then could my mind enable me to make the connection between the huge truck and the little kitten on the road.

I watched as it flipped around helplessly on the ground, and I couldn't stop looking..I knew that nothing I could do could ease its pain in anyway, I'm no vet. I then found myself praying that it would die sooner so as not to have to endure the pain any longer. I had never prayed for anything to die before, and this got me thinking about life and how fragile it really is, how it could end in a matter of seconds. After 10 or more agonising seconds, the flipping around stopped, quite abruptly and the little kitty just laid there. I was relieved.

I began to think about the pain it was undergoing during those 10 cruel seconds. Then again, maybe it had died instantly and the flipping was only the effect of the nerves. This is why it was a good thing to have skipped breakfast. My entire day was filled with the graphics of the incident. I felt sick.

I then continued in my reverie to get my mind off the visual images of what happened. God granted us life, of which we should be extremely thankful. He decides when our last day should be, and in this, no one has a say. It's a harsh reality that I have yet to come to terms with especially with loved ones in mind. Why does God allow such things to happen? No one has ever been able to give a satisfying or definite answer to this, and I guess it should be left at that as, in my opinion, no one really has a correct answer. It is not for us to question Him as there are some things that are just beyond our comprehension. If we understood all things, would we then need a God?

Ladies and Gentlemen, we're going to make a detour...

Those are certainly not words you'd want to hear when you're on a flight that's headed for home. Here's an account of my little adventure on Friday the 28th of August 2009. The day begun at 4.30am where I was forced to dragged myself out of bed to catch an 8am flight. Wondering why I have to get up so early? Well, it takes me 1 and a half hours to reach the airport and I have to be there an hour before take off. This means that a taxi would have to pick me up from my college at 5am in order to catch the 5.30am bus at KL Sentral. I would then reach the airport at 6.30am and would have plenty of time to check in and have breakfast before boarding at around 7.15am. None of the above happened according to time.

I was up, ready and waiting for the taxi by the time it was 5am. at 5.05am, I thought maybe he got lost, the campus has a large compound and many colleges. At 5.10am, I started to get worried as to whether I'd make it to catch the bus on time. This is when the calling starts. The taxi man does not answer. Panic starts to seep in now and this is when a 911 call to a 24 hour mum has to be made. She then arranged for her brother to come pick my friend and I up while dad tries to call the taxi man as well (for a different reason of my calling him of course). Well at least I have an uncle who was nearby enough to get my friend and I to the bus station in time to catch the 6.00am bus.

It was raining all throughout the 1 hour journey to the bus station. And just when we could see the airport coming into the view, the bus decides to break down! We couldn't get down to walk because of the heavy downpour. I stared anxiously at my watch as every minute would count (along with the staring, I prayed of course). Finally, after a few gruelling attempts, the bus starts up again and we're dropped safely off at the entrance of LCCT.

*This is the part where we start running to the check in counter. We made it on time=) *

We then boarded the plane and waited for take off. It took awhile before we could start moving and by the time it was 8am (supposedly take off time), we were in no way ready for take off yet. The plane moved slowly to the runway and as we looked out the window, we could see about 2 other planes behind us in a line. The captain then made an announcement saying that our take off would be delayed a little longer due to traffic congestion. Have you ever heard of a traffic jam on the runway? Well now you have. It turns out, the captain was serious (of course he was!), in front of our plane were 3 or 4 other planes waiting for take off! I so wanted to take a picture of the 6-7 planes (including ours) all in a line, waiting to take off..hahah. We finally took off at 8.40am (40 minutes delay) after watching India Airlines, Tiger Airlines, MAS and another Air Asia take off.

The flight was quite smooth thoughout the journey until we realised it was taking longer than usual. My friend and I (Chiew Nyen) looked out the window and found that we were flying around in circles above what we believe was Kedah. It continued for at least half an hour. And then, just when we thought the day couldn't get any worse, the captain announces "Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm afraid we cannot land in Penang International Airport due to bad weather, we are now going to make a detour back to KLIA. We apologise for the inconvenience". My mind went blank.

An hour later, we were at KLIA AGAIN. I called my mum, hoping to find them (my mum and bro) aware of the news and waiting at home for further notice, but I was wrong. She and my brother had been waiting in the airport all the while for about 2 plus hours because they were not informed about the detour and worse, our flight was posted as 'Confirmed Arrival' for those 2 hours. She must've thought I fell off the plane! My poor mother.

Anyway, we waited another hour in KLIA before taking off again, and this time we managed to land in Penang. So basically I was in the plane for about 4 hours. But it's ok, who am I to complain, as long as I reached safely. Matt takes 22 hours to get back, not inclusive of the wait during transit. I should be thankful huh, Matt? =)

The Simple Life

I finally get to add pictures to my posts! Well that's the thing about moving out from home, you've to get used to the simple life. No more hiding under the wings of mum and dad, no more watching tv whenever you want, no more switching on the air cond when it's hot...no more. You always have to be a step ahead or you'll be 10 steps behind, keeping up from there wouldn't be easy. God really has His reasons for what He does, although kicking us out of our comfort zone may seem harsh, He knows the good that'll come from it. Though I still miss home a lot, I continue to trust that He will let things work out well..so long as we put Him first in everything, all will be well. While I can, I'll enjoy the simple life!